How many Chucks could a woodchuck Chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck wood?

It's official! I'm such a Chuck Norris fan! Well, I'm a 'Chuck Norris Facts' fan but hey, same difference right? I remember my brother was crazy about Chuck Norris years ago when we were still kiddies. Walker Texas Range was his most favouritist series on TV and Chuck Norris was his hero! I just checked out the guy's age.... OMG he's ancient! He's 68 and still going strong! He's my new hero!

Here are a few of my faves:

-Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

-Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror

-Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

-Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

-Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

-Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

-Chuck Norris let the dogs out. (oh please tell me you get this!)

-Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

-Chuck Norris actually died 10 years ago but Death doesnt have the balls to tell him

-Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Ah yesss..... Chuck Norris.... Gotta love him!

OUT

Say wha'???

OMG... what a weekend... okay wait, I mean what a Friday!!! So the last time I posted I mentioned the fact that ex-man-friend wanted to hang out. I considered it... and I soooo wanted to.... but common sense and good advice from fellow bloggers got the better of me! So on Friday he asked if wanted to hang out after work.... As difficult as it was for me to say, I turned him down, told him I needed time to re-adjust! Thank God he understood. *I did mention that he shud pretend he does even if he doesn't!* LOL! Anywhoooo - so I decided i was gonna have a really chilled friday...watch some TV, catch up on my guitar tutorials, have a magnum and go to bed. Alas, my idiot mind wouldn't let me! So like, there's these dudes from the flat across the road. I haven't actually had a full on conversation with them before... but we've greeted each other on the odd occasion where they watch me from their balcony - that sounds creepy doesn't it? But really, they do... I can feel their eyes on me when I walk past! okay.... so... I was coming from the Pick 'n' Pay down the road and the happened to be there, on the balcony.


Skinny boy: 'Hey Soup. How ya doing?'

Me: 'I'm good, how're you?'

Skinny boy: 'I'm alrite, but I'll be better if you pay us a visit later. We're gonna have a 'lekker braai'. You shud join us.'

Me: 'Hmmm. I'm kinda tired. But I'll think about it.'

Pot belly dude: 'C'mon. It'll be fun. What's your apartment number? We'll come get you around 7!'

Me: (like the idiot that I am) '#16. See y'all later'


OMG.... why am I such an idiot? I mean if the guys were okay looking peeps I would be able to justify my slight lack of common sense! grrr. So I told my house-mate and her man about my predicament and they were like 'Oooh, braai! Let's go.' So 7pm someone buzzes!


Me: (In deep manly voice) 'Ey yo, wassup?'

Skinny boy: 'Hi I'm looking for Soup.'

Me: 'Who the hell are you?'

Skinny boy: 'I'm Skinny Boy from across the road. I invited her to a 'lekker braai'.'

Me: 'Well, she ain't here. I'll tell you stopped by. Does she have yo number?'

Skinny boy: 'No she doesn't. But I'll come back later.'

Me: (to Skinny boy) 'Aight man. I'll let her know' (To self) 'DANGITT, DANGITT, BLOODY SHIT, FLIPPIN HELL!!!


I'm such a dumb-ass aren't I? Well, you haven't heard the worst of it so brace yaself! So the dude comes back at 8pm and my housemate's man answers.


Me: 'You tell him I'm not here, or else!!!'


Of course my bark is totally worse than my bite. Actually, my bark is better classified as a yelp! But somehow I managed to scare the living daylight out of housemate's man-friend. LMAO. So proud, so proud!

Anywhooo.... I'm getting tired of typing so lemme get to the crux of the matter! Basically, housemate and her man-friend convinced me to go... and of course I dragged them with! Thank God. Coz we got there and the 'lekker braai' was pumping! NOT! It was just skinny boy and pot belly dude and a tiny miserable lil excuse for a braai stand! However - I must say the booze was flowing! See, the dudes both work in restaurants and apparently they get free booze. Now I'm not the boozie type... I have a drink maybe once or twice a year... and I've only ever be sloshed once in my life. I've been tipsy a few times, but sloshed? Just once.

Boy, oh boy! I was sitting there... thinking of ex-man-friend and how I was pining for him. Then I decided ah screw it, I'ma have me a drink, which ended up being two then three. But by the third one I was the life of the party! Who-hoo! Clearly my alcohol tolerance levels are seriously low, especially if I get drunk after 3 ciders!

Okay, now I did mention that the worst was yet to come right! So pot-belly dude was totally flirting with me! Now I'm not justifying my idiotic behavior but after being let down by ex-man-friend I thought I deserved a bit of attention. So I flirted back. OMG - what a dumb thing to do! So he starts cosying up to me and he's like standing next to me telling me how he wants to take me out, to wine and dine me, to treat me like the goddess I am! OMG! Can you believe it? Now this would have been totally fine if it wasn't coming from a pot-bellied, bald headed man... note I use the word man - not dude! Seriously! he must be in his, like, 40s or something. Not that men in their 40s are all gross, but pot-belly...eish.... I have no words.

So eventually I'm like 'Peoples, let's go home.' and pot-belly offers to walk us home. Funny how they say you don't remember things you do when you're drunk. Someone must've lied to me! I soooooo remember what happened when we got to the gate. House mate and her man-friend went in and pot-belly grabs me, pulls me into his arms and sticks his tongue in my mouth! Argh! Freak out! WTF????? Yeah, well I guess I deserved it for being such a flirt! But dang. It's the grossest thing that ever happened to me! Yuck! Double Yuck! Later tht night:

*phone rings*

Me: 'Hello'

Pot-belly: 'Hi Soup. Are you sleeping?'

Me: 'Well I was till you woke me up!'

Pot-belly: 'Oh, I'm really sorry. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so glad you came tonight and I can't wait to hang out with you and I hope we're still on for tomorrow night and you're gorgeous and I think you're amazing (me getting more annoyed by the second) and I promise you'll have a great time tomorrow and you're a princess and...'

Me: 'Thanks man, so I'll see you tomorrow!'

Pot-Belly: 'Oh, yeah. I'll let you get some sleep. Take care of yourself, beautiful. See you tomorrow.'

Me: 'Okay cool.' *snore*

OMG... ????? Who does that? who calls people in the middle of the night while they're sleeping? Grrrrrr. In case you're wondering if I went for the 'date' on Saturday - HELL NO! I told him my man had decided to spend the night so I'd have to re-schedule (yes, he thinks I have a man and he still insists on trying to charm me!) Gawddddddddd..... What to do, what to do? Bloody hell! grrrrr he's kinda becoming a bit of a stalker! He called last nite.... and I'm pretty sure if he doesn't wait for me to walk past his place he'll call tonight! Grrrrr...... I'm gonna steal from one of Tamara's posts:

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.- Craig, age 9

Nuff said!

It isn't any trouble just to S-M-I-L-E

Kinda gross... I know..... but I just thought a round of smiles was due today! Today, unlike yesterday, I woke up feeling optimistic. It's almost studio day and the office is like a zoo....Everyone's panicking, trying to get last minute things done before we go to studio on Friday! eeek..... All the more reason for me to be depressed and be mad at the world and all who live in it! But nope.... I feel like the cheshire cat... I swear, the power of positive thinking is sooooo amazing!

So the first thing I did when I woke up this morning was play that Adam Sandler song from the wedding singer! So cool. It made me laugh! I know it's quite dark if you think about it...but it's also pretty funny!

You dont know how much I need you.

While you're near me I dont feel blue.

And when we kiss I know that you need me too.

I cant believe I found a love thats so pure and true.

But it all was bullshit.It was a goddam joke.

And when I think of you linda (insert ex's name here),I hope you fucking choke.

Oh somebody kill me please,

Somebody kill me plee-ase,

Im on my knees,Pretty pretty please kill me.

I want to die.Put a bullet in my head.

Phew... deep breath! LMAO... So after this I was ready to face the day. I'm not a grumpy kinda person. But I'm not a bounce off the walls typa person either (except maybe after a Tequila or two haha!). But today, I'm definitely over the top! I'm all smiles and those in the know think I'm about to have a nervous breakdown! LMAO.... Little do they know... I have the Adam Sandler song in my head! and I've been blasting it in my ears all day! Did I mention that I feel soooooo sick after totally overdoing my chocolate binge? Well, after a whole box of smarties, a kit-kat, a HUGE chocolate muffin from Mugg and Bean and a chocolate & smartie doghnut, I feel like I'm gonna throw up any moment now! Ah but it's been good!!! And the fact that my girlfriends have been calling non-stop to make sure I don't slit my wrists! Buhahahahahahaha..... They're funny!

Oh and on an even stranger tip - I had a conversation with ex-man-friend today. Now before you start thinking he begged me to take him back (which, I must confess, I was kinda hoping he would do - blush!), we actually just talked about random stuff. We had a pretty good laugh. All in all, there was no awkwardness, no animosity, no nervous laughter. I'm glad we've decided to remain friends. I didn't think I'd be able to have a decent conversation with him ever again. But I'm happy to say that I may have lose my love-bug, but I didn't lose my friend. Now, I'm still wondering if exes can ever be friends. I guess I'm about to find out huh! So he wants to hang out on Saturday. I told him I'll think about it. It won't just be me and him. We'll be with a bunch of mutual friends. But it's still daunting! Argh! What's a girl to do??????

Okay... off I go... I haven't done much work today. It's 2 more sleeps before studio day and I'm slacking! LMAO... The *ish is gonna hit the fan! Time to catch up on some work! Have a smiley rest of yo day!

OUT!

Bruised but not broken! (I hope)

I woke up with red, puffy eyes and a kinda throbbing, hollow sensation in my chest and I considered not coming it to work today! I have no words to descibe what I'm feeling... But I can tell you that it's horrid! Absolutely horrid!
So I had a conversation with the man-friend last night. It turns out I was expecting too much from the relationship - more than he could give - more than he was ready for!
So yeah, we decided it's best we part ways... I'm sad. Well, I'm more than just sad... I keep asking myself if I loved him... I don't quite know how to answer that. But the point is, it's over. We're over. We're done. Finnitto. Kapput. Phelile. Klaar. A few years ago I promised myself I would never cry over a guy ever again. So today this is my motto, my mantra, my get-you-thru-the-day phrase.

'I'm going to smile like nothing's wrong, Talk like everything's perfect, Act like it's all a dream and pretend it's not hurting me!'

Nuff said!

OUT

Death by chocolate-coated ice-cream

OMG. This has to be my biggest vice of all time. Magnum Almond! WOW! I swear it has to be the closest thing to heaven! Last nite I had two of them. I passed by the Pick n' Pay and got myself a couple of Magnum Almonds - one for last night and one for another night. What a joke! I had the first one around 8ish. I was up at 11:30 craving more of the deliciously sinful pleasure! I couldn't help it. I could hear it calling my name! I tried to resist the temptation for about an hour but it was either give in right then or have it for breakfast! Now you can't have ice-cream for breakfast, can you! ;) So I did the honourable thing. What a treat! mmmmmm.... DIVINE!

Did I mention that I'm lactose intolerant? lol... well.... let's just say I could be sued for floor and carpet erosion after spending most of the day going between my office and the loo! That's the price I'm paying for my indulgence. Oh, but I'm soooo not sorry about it! Although, I probably will be when the junk-in-my-trunk decides 'It's pay back time baby!'

To the owners of the Ola brand...all I can say is I would love to be your personal Magnum Almond taster - and I'll do it for free! Pretty please!

OUT!

The Bold and the Beautiful...

First...an update about Friday meal. I have to say I'm sooooo proud of myself!!! I'm not saying it was the best meal on the planet. What I am saying is with a bit more practice I could give Nigella a run for her money!
So I didn't manage to take a pic of the food. Man friend was almost an hour late so by the time we got down to eating I was FURIOUS and there was no way I was gonna pick up my camera - I would certainly have hit him with it! Grrrrrrr..... So why was he late? He was having drinks with friends!!!! Let's leave it right there! Nuff said! Anywhoooo... I made pork chops, mashed butternut, creamed spinach and Basmati rice. :) The plates looked sooo pretty with the different colours! Seriously, Nigella had better watch out! All in all, I think I did a pretty good job...and so does he! (This having been determined once I'd cooled off). However, as pretty as my meal looked and tasted, I won't be doing it again anytime soon! So here's to you Nigella - keep your Culinary Crown coz I sure don't want it!

Every once in a while I catch a glimpse of the Bold and the Beautiful. Yesterday I actually sat down and watched it from start to finish. I know it's practically the Mother of Cheese but it's quite captivating! But I've gotta hand it to them though... that soapie is seriously lacking in the morality department! I'm talking about the whole father-doing-the-daughter-in-law-who-did-the-son-who-did-the-sister-who-did-the-brother-in-law-who-did-the-brother's-ex-wife-who-did-the-mother-in-law-who-did-the-husband's-friend-who-did-the-daughter-who's-son-is-doing-his-step-sister! Phew! Anyway, they had some flash-back scenes from the first few episodes! Brooke and Eric still look as georgeous as they did in the beginning. As for some of them...well... let's just say mother nature sure ain't on their side! I won't mention any names (Ridge and Stephanie! LMAO). These people have been on 'The Bold' since forever. I hate routine! I can't stand doing the same thing over and over and over for ages! So how the heck have those actors managed to act in 'The Bold' for so long? And can Stephanie and Ridge please retire already! Jeez! Okay, okay. I won't be nasty! But the I cringe at the thought of being stuck doing one thing for the rest of my life!

Here's to the cast and crew of the Bold and the Beautiful! Now can it be over already!

OUT

Tonite's the nite!!!

So yup... tonite's the nite.... I have to show off my culinary skills to the man-friend. What am I cooking? Beats the hell outta me!!! I'm leaving work early to go shopping.... fingers crossed I won't kill the poor dude!
After having a ginormous lunch I don't think I'll be able to eat tonite, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna think I'm trying to kill him if I refuse to eat! .... as if I'd ever! ;) LMAO. I shall endevour to take a photo of my Supanova Special... move over Nigella, take a bow Jamie.... Supanova's in the building...

OUT!

Cooking lessons a la Jamie Oliver

OMG... I think I may have just started digging myself a grave! I'm a pretty talented person (even if I do say so myself!) but there are just some things I was not born to do! Like cooking! I am an absolutely lousy cook! Although I feel I must mention that I do make a mean bacon and egg sarmie :)! However, when it comes to proper culinary skills, I am seriously lacking in that department. Now usually, this would not be a problem. However, I idiotically invited man-friend for supper! Okay, so we've only been together for about 3 months and I have mentioned that my cooking sucks, big time. I'm allowed to say my cooking sucks. He is not!!! So the other day I had a friend coming over for lunch and I mentioned this to him! So he says 'I hope this friend knows what they're getting themselves into!' WHAT?????????? Okay, it's totally fine when I say it. It's my cooking and I'm allowed to diss myself! Jeez... do guys not get that???? I can say my butt is big....you, man-friend, cannot! I can talk about how I feel my breasts are too small, you cannot! I can saying my cooking is crap. You CANNOT!

So I went and did it! I invited him over for supper this Friday. And I have to do the cooking. So I'm thinking I need cooking lessons ASAP! How that's gonna happen is a mystery to me! And I'm sure it would be wise to pre-taste the food before the dreaded dinner date, but how am I going to pull that off? Maybe I should get that Jamie Oliver cookbook that I was eyeing the other day! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... I'm so tempted to buy food from Woolies and pretend I made it, but he's like a freaking blood-hound when he's with me! He can detect a lie (or rather a slight twistation of the truth) from a mile away! So the Woolies idea is a no-no! I guess I'll have to look up some quick and easy recipe on the net and hope that it turns out okay! Shit, shit, shit! I've really gone and done it now! What if it turns out as crappy as he thinks it will? OMG - I'm sure I shall be back on the single shelf by Saturday morning! Woe is me!!!!! So if there's a quick, easy, idiot proof recipe out there - please, please, please save my ass from singleness! OUT!

Woza Weekend...

I love long weekends.... especially if they're random ones like the one that the Government decided to instill this Friday! But here's the thing. I have so much work to do that i find myself nervously chewing on my fingernails in anticipation of next week Monday! I can't relax... me thinks I'm starting to get that nervous twitch that wierd people get! I'm not wierd! I'm perfectly normal, although I tend to go a bit looney once in a while..... So why am I getting the twitch? Why can't I just relax and enjoy this long weekend? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......... I almost wish tomorrow was Sunday... then the next day wud be Monday and I could get some work done! I do however, refuse to go to work this weekend while everyone else is lounging away! I shall party the nite away tomorrow nite, I shall give in to the man-friend and finally go out dancing with him - although I must mention that he has absolutely no rhythm whatsoever! Lord help us all!
Okay, off I go to the video store to get me a dvd. Bring out the popcorn and chocolate and the brownies! mmmmmmm...... today, I shall pig out! A continuation of my 'get-fat-quick' scheme! Yey!